You are currently browsing the ego tag archives.

HOM_logo_with_subtitle-200x100I wrote this less than a month ago and it’s already kind of not true anymore.

The Heart of Money class with Mark Silver is KiCKING MY ASS.

I used to think I knew things and had figured some stuff out and was pretty connected to myself.

Now… not so much.

Shifting, shifting…

There are a lot of similarities between Mark’s class and what Fabeku teaches.

Mark teaches Remembrance – a connecting and coming into relationship with divine source. He recommends Remembrance at least 4 times a week for class members, but really alluded to the fact that Remembrance is all the time, every day and the better we get at it, especially in times of difficulty – the better we’re going to be at life.

Bring attention to your heart.


Mark’s Remembrance is more geared to a quiet “bringing attention to the heart” kind of meditation – though he does mention that Remembrance can happen whenever, where ever we are. Fabeku has “the Practice”, which is essentially the same thing – it’s coming into connection with your “Super Power” and staying in connection as often as possible all day, every day – in whatever way you do that.

Fabeku’s “Super Powers” is the same as Mark’s “Jewel”. They’re both connecting to our personal gifts and the way that divinity expresses itself through us in our life and our work.


Before the first class even happened, we had to “Unveil the Jewel” as the pre-class assignment.


Same struggle. Feeling like I’m struggling with my gift, my “Super Power”, my jewel. Feeling like I haven’t really owned it or can make use of it for my business or in my life.

I felt so inept and impotent to connect to this grace that was seemingly mine to use in this life, but seemed outside my grasp.

So in my homework (yes, there are assignments and homework) I felt like I’d had enough of struggling and just laid it out for Mark in a Q & A section.

I had no idea his answer would be so catalysing.

The Struggle

My question to Mark:

Full of Shit dialogue balloon
Mark responded with:

There is no “owning your gifts.”

You have your gifts, you can’t get rid of them. There isn’t anything you have to do to own them- except find the humility and surrender to the fact that they are there.

It’s not a bigness you seek, it’s a smallness, a humility, a bowing down.

There is no question of deserving. There’s just facing the truth that gifts have been given to you.


Luckily this was all text written on the website – because I bawled my eyes out.

It felt like a key turned in a lock and a door that I had been banging on for over a year finally stood open.
Open Door

Everything’s still all jumbled up and confused.

This process is bringing up so much stuff around “deserving” and “earning” and “owing” and what ties are attached to accepting abundance…

I’m feeling depressed and like I haven’t learned anything over the past 20 years. I thought I knew myself, but now I wonder if I’ve ever really been listening.

…and it’s messy.

It’s a big messy jumble of thoughts and feels and confusion… and I’m grateful that the door is finally open and I can take a good look at this stuff.

I can finally examine and feel what is in my heart around abundance and success.

Beggar to God and Ego attitude

The_Beggar's_PetitionI’ve tried for the last couple years to “be worthy”. To “value myself more” and be “deserving” of my super powers/jewel.

All of that is the exact wrong way to think about it.

It’s like my ego tried to do it on it’s own.

“Okay, I got this. I just have to be better. I just have to do more, be more, heal more…. More BETTER. MORE WORTHY and it’ll WORK!”

GUUUH. So much effort. So struggle. So panic.

So no results.

My ego thinks ‘tit for tat’. Must DO something to be WORTHY of JEWEL.

Become small & surrender.

The humility and the surrender is to become small and accept that all things come through divinity alone.

The brain-fuck is that ego thinks that something is required to receive – it’s a transaction, whereas the soul knows that nothing is required and that gifts just are.

Then we were to get in touch with what source needed us to do next – well didn’t “beg” come up for me.
Stop hand sign
Which of course I rejected.

Beg? What? NO. Of course I won’t beg.

…maybe ask. Sure.

I’ll ask for help and abundance… and ask for help in receiving abundance… I won’t beg.

Then on to Remembrance.

I knew that rejecting “beg” was a key. We don’t reject what doesn’t trigger us.

We are better off to take notice of those things that trigger us.

So jump into beg…

…and of course.

Begging is asking for something that isn’t earned.

We are all beggars of God – as we ask all the time for things we haven’t earned… because there is no need to earn anything to receive from divine source.

We don’t have to DO, BE, CREATE, ACT, SAY, THINK, BELIEVE anything to receive from divine source.

Just receive it.

Surrender to receiving.

That’s my task – be a beggar to god. BEG for help and abundance and energy and ask for everything I need without one thought to having to do a thing to earn it.

I tremble…

Surrender to receiving.


The flipside

Of course that’s not all because WHY WOULD IT BE.

The flipside to receiving abundance is fear around being controlled for accepting gifts from source.

What strings are attached? What’s required of me now? What will I have to sacrifice in order to pay this debt of receiving?


See how it’s the exact same issue – it’s like spiritual fuck up book-ends.

Geezus fuck.

That’s where I am. Right now as I finish writing this.

It’s okay.

It’s better than stuck.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

"Soul First" in your InBox



Just now I was on a call with Mark Silver and he explained the very interesting point that human beings give and receive with one another – it’s part of our flow.

The only one who can give without receiving is God.

To try to only give and not receive is an unconscious attempt to be God. It’s an ego arrogance of trying to take the place of God.


Ego and your committed desire to stay focused on producing your art are not negatives in your life.